GGG highlights

If Twink is reading my blog, she may want to skip this post. No sense getting all bummed about missing the good times.

For the uninitiated, GGG is GottaGetGon, the best little folk music festival ever. See today's Times-Union, Gazette or Saratogian for a peek. But the Gazette did get one thing wrong: It's not a bluegrass festival. Yeah, there's bluegrass, but there's also swing, sea chanteys, blues, country, old-time rock 'n' roll and whatever music folks enjoy making for themselves (Jake's definition of folk music).

OK, highlights:

Meeting the wee (8-day-old) Tell. Giving her the blankie I made for her in her parents' wedding colors, and seeing her wrapped in it the next day.

Sunday morning swing jam. Singing Andrews Sisters-style with CC and ML.

Playing with NiiceDuude out behind the shed. I'm talking MUSIC, people; get your minds out of the gutter!

Jake's cooking.

Thoroughly enjoying the beer but not getting effed up or enduring killer hangovers. A minor headache and a touch of dehydration- and heat-induced exhaustion while cleaning up Chez Jake today were the only consequences. Both short-lived. This has not been the case in past years. I must be learning that pacing thing.

Having so much great after-hours music to choose from (especially Sunday) that I was wishing I had two clones. This is not a bad thing.

Cuddling under a rainy roof.

Being Vice Chef in Charge of Omelets when ND had to go play drums for the swing workshop. Let the record show that I now have mad omelet skillz.

Starting and finishing two books, and getting more than halfway through a third, during late-night nobody to socialize with time and early-morning not ready to be sociable time. BTW, I HIGHLY recommend "Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly."

There are more. And there are pictures. There are also brain cells to be grown back and sleep to be caught up on. Stay tuned. And to all of you who made this weekend one of the best GGGs ever, thanks and hugs.

I'm back! No, really, I'm back.

Nothing in this post is intended as a slam on anyone. Well, except for J.R. Gach, aka Toxic Jock, aka the Evil One. And me. But definitely not NiiceDuude. I take full responsibility for the heartburn I've suffered lately surrounding our relationship.

Being possessed by the Evil One was like being in a cult. What do people in cults do? They live to please the Master. They cut off their family, friends and outside interests. They give all their money to the cult. Well, I had no money to give -- although I did bust my budget to impress J.R. on his birthday one year -- but I let my finances go down the toilet by neglecting my obligations during that time.

I definitely cut off my loved ones and outside interests, though. I went to festivals, etc., but was merely going through the motions. All I could think of was how much more fun it would be if he were part of it all. I never stopped loving NiiceDuude, and being in awe of the patience he showed me during that horrible 18 months. But the thing that mattered most was trying to reawaken the feelings J.R. had expressed for me, feelings I know now weren't real, but you couldn't convince me of that at the time.

I snapped out of it. But old habits die hard. I had become somewhat physically, and totally emotionally isolated while I was obsessing over J.R., and I continued in that pattern. I was once again enjoying the people and things I'd neglected, but it took longer to get out there and make the connection.

And during the time I was unavailable, ND was forging some very deep connections with people who aren't me. That didn't bother me while I was possessed/obsessed. But once I got over it, it did. People were inviting him, and not me, to things -- a mutual friend's play, a daughter's wedding, a work party. And not only did they not think to ask both of us, neither did he think to include me, assuming that I wouldn't be interested or available.

I felt less like his girlfriend and more like a "friend with benefits," as the young 'uns put it. As in, he has all these people he's close to, but the only difference between them and me is that I'm the one he's sleeping with. And I'm still not sure what hurts more, that our friends started seeing us as individuals instead of as a couple or that he did.

This came to a head over Mother's Day weekend, and I realized that if I want to be front and center in his life again, I have to make him front and center in mine. That means I have to be available. I have urged him to please ask, when he is invited to something I might enjoy, if I can come along. Even if I'm not available because of work or a prior commitment, I want to be asked. I have also made a point of showing up for things and offering my help with projects he takes on (case in point: tonight's folding, spindling and mutilating of the GGG programs).

This is not just about being there for him, although that's most of it. It's also about reminding the people around us that I still exist and want to be part of things again.

I think it's working.

Sorry for the length of this post. It's been simmering a while.

Nose newts

The big news: My favorite young family has welcomed its first daughter. Can't wait to meet her and become one of her many, many honorary aunties. Of course, the little bugger arrived about three weeks early, which means I have to shift into overdrive to complete her gift. I can do this.

Was at the grocery store today and parked my cart of bagged and paid-for groceries near a rack of videos to go wait in the humongous customer service line to pay my electric bill. I look over, the cart is gone. Minor panic ensues as this cart contains about $75 worth of stuff -- and the receipt is in one of the bags. And I don't have another $75 to replace it all.

Staff begins a search, goes on the PA to ask everyone to check their carts, and a few minutes later it's found in the produce section. Apparently someone realized it wasn't theirs and just left it. Thank goodness! I was afraid someone packed the bags in their car and drove home, and I'd have to camp out at Hannaford for the afternoon waiting for them to realize they got the wrong stuff and come back.

Reminded me of the end of the Dance Flurry, when I parked my backpack and cooler by an outside door to take to my car, and when I turned around they were gone. Someone had brought them into a back room with the sound equipment. Hello? They're sitting by an OUTSIDE DOOR! To go OUTSIDE! Where did you get the idea, anonymous rescuer of random possessions, that they belonged with the sound stuff? Grrrr....

No, I'm really not still upset about the Flurry incident. Just coming down from the adrenaline rush of almost losing $75 worth of groceries. I'll be OK.

And again, welcome vibes and happy dance for the new munchkin!

Never too old to learn

So today I made the obligatory Happy Mother's Day/Happy Birthday call to my mom (her birthday falls on Mother's Day this year). I say obligatory because we don't have a great relationship. I will spare you the details of said relationship, but let's just say she is a lovely woman who drives me nuts. And I end up feeling guilty about being driven nuts by such a lovely woman who means no harm, although everything she says to me comes off as critical/judgmental. Since she didn't mean it that way, there's something wrong with me for taking it that way.

She was telling me about an article she'd read about a book called "You're Wearing That?" I thought at first it was fashion advice, but it's actually a book on mothers and daughters by Deborah Tannen of "You Just Don't Understand" fame. You can read an excerpt here.

She was amazed to learn from this article that many, many moms and daughters are in this position. Mom keeps her mouth shut because she feels her words and intentions are being misinterpreted. Daughter keeps her mouth shut because she knows criticism is coming. Paraphrasing liberally, her reaction was: "Holy crap! It's NOT just us!"

That birthday she's having today? Is her 85th. Like I said, never too old to learn.

Needless to say, we are both going to read this book.

She doesn't have a computer (maybe when I visit this fall I'll teach her how to use one), so she won't read this, but I'll say it anyway: Mom, you rock.

Saladarity, or, Get Your Own March

Been thinking about the protests of recent days -- Saturday's megamarch for peace, justice and democracy in NYC (see photo) and today's demonstrations around the country in support of immigrant workers, many of whom skipped work today to make a point about the critical role they play in our economy.

Both events attracted a lot of ridicule from conservative pundits and even from some on the left, including my friend Twinkletoze, who was in NYC Saturday with the Friends Committee on National Legislation, for including groups that are not really related to the issue they are trying to call attention to. Saturday's event apparently began as a protest against the war in Iraq and the possibility of going after Iran, but morphed into a generic antiwar + "justice for all" demonstration when groups such as NOW, gay-rights organizations, pro-choicers, environmental groups and the like got involved.

I am a leftie who considers herself more sympathizer than activist. I have participated in demonstrations as a member of the Solidarity Singers but have yet to attend such an event on my own. I realize that we lefties often get involved in protests for causes other than our personal pet causes as a show of solidarity for those afflicted.

But I wonder if that's such a good idea. It tends to dilute the message and, to the right, makes every such event easy to dismiss as another "left-wing wacko" circus. In other words, what started out as a gesture of solidarity just looks like a "leftie cause salad."

My advice to those who wish to show support for a cause other than their specific raison d'etre: Unless it is truly an across-the-board, multi-issue protest such as "Dump Bush," leave your own signs at home and rally behind the issue at hand. If it's an antiwar protest, don't carry signs in support of women's rights or alternative energy, carry antiwar signs. It will boost the credibility of the message du jour ("Hey, look at all those people against the war!" instead of "Hey, look at all those wackos with all their little issues!") and give your women's rights or environmental rallies, when you hold them, more clout as well.

The right does this. You don't see "support the troops" signs at anti-abortion demonstrations, or "save the unborn" signs at "support the troops" rallies. And guess whom the politicians are listening to.

Just something to think about. I know my activist friends read this and I would appreciate feedback.

And happy May Day!