OMG, maybe I am nuts!

Apologies to those who have read this on the Box or my board. I'm looking for feedback on this wherever I can find it.

My counselor has said before (we have only had four sessions) that she thinks my problems might be biochemically based. She repeated that tonight, only she used the word "psychiatric."

Me: OK, I know you're not an M.D. (she's a Clinical Social Worker), but if you had to take a stab at it, what does your gut say in terms of what meds I should be on? Antidepressants? Anti-anxiety? Antipsychotic? (the last said with a smile, which she returned).

Her: Well, you need a psychiatrist to make a real diagnosis, but I'm thinking maybe an anxiety disorder, maybe a mood disorder ...

Me (semi-facetiously): I KNEW IT! Bipolar disorder is contagious! (I used to joke about this all the time because JR had me on such an emotional roller coaster.)

But seriously, she thinks I might very well have Bipolar II. I always thought of bipolar as being bouncing off the walls, staying up all night, yada yada, followed by a crash and maybe suicidal thoughts. Not me.

But that's Bipolar I. With Bipolar II, things are more subtle. My obsessive streak -- which led to getting hijacked by JR, to an ill-advised attempt at a midlife career change, to crushes on friends that have driven them away -- could very well be my own BPII form of "mania." And I don't get suicidal, but I definitely can get into funks where I'm down on myself and feel useless, worthless and hopeless. I had a bad one just this weekend.

I'm withholding judgment until I DO see an M.D., but it certainly would explain a lot.

And if it turns out I am bipolar, I'll do the one thing I still admire JR for: I'll be open about it and do my part to erase the stigma attached to mental illness. That book I'm working on might go in a whole new direction -- who knows?

Lots to think about.