Tempest in a (Chinese? Japanese?) teapot
I don't know whether to laugh or cry about this. I should probably laugh, because I did so much crying over it last night that my glasses are still not sitting right on my face -- thanks to the puffy eyes.
I posted a link previously to Trubble's Catbox, a board for survivors of emotional abuse. I have found great support/validation there in dealing with my lingering JR-related issues. Although I feel a little silly posting about the wounds he caused me when we didn't really make it to the serious relationship stage, when some of these women have been married to and have kids with emotional abusers, they have welcomed me.
I've only been a member for about two months but I find I can offer good counsel to newer members who are trying to figure out if their partner's behavior is normal and if they are just overreacting. The answer usually is: It's not, and you're not. LOSE THIS LOSER.
I also belong to Television Without Pity, where it's fairly common on the forums for us to refer to our spouses/partners as "Mr. (My Screen Name) or "Mrs. (My Screen Name").
Sooo ... a new person (I'll call her Krissy37) posts to the Catbox about her asshole husband. It's a long post that goes into great detail about things he's said and done that anyone with a degree of distance can see are abusive.
She gets lots of "lose this loser" responses, including mine, which I started:
Dear Mr. Krissy37:
The Clue Store is having a sale. I suggest you stop by and pick one up. Heck, get two; they're cheap.
Then I go on to address her directly about how she doesn't deserve this treatment and she should keep posting because she will find support and encouragement here.
Then ... I get a private message from one of the moderators telling me the post was "insulting and uncalled for" and asking me to edit or delete it.
Now, few things upset me more than being blindsided with criticism or reprimand. Here I am going blithely along thinking it's sunny and 72 and someone gets in my shit for doing something that I had NO CLUE was wrong. (Maybe I need to visit the Clue Store?)
I lose it. I cry for HOURS. I delete the post and send a private message to the moderator telling her I did and explaining that I had no idea what I said was insulting; I was only trying to inject a little humor. NiiceDuude can easily snap me out of an upset with a joke. Her response indicates that the post was interpreted that I made the "clue store" comment to the POSTER, not her husband.
I posted an apology on the affected thread, explaining what the post really said -- addressed to MR. Krissy, not Krissy -- and that I was sorry it was misread.
The woman who I have reason to believe filed the complaint responds. She thought I was a foreigner and English was not my first language! She said she deals with Asians a lot in her work and they frequently err and call her Mr.
Those of you who know me well enough to read this blog know that:
1. I am a native English speaker.
2. I minored in English.
3. I taught English for half a year.
4. For most of the past 25 years I have been in journalism, much of that as a copy editor, who CORRECTS OTHER PEOPLE'S ENGLISH FOR A LIVING.
5. My eyes are very large, very blue and very round.
Of course, the woman who complained about my post has no way of knowing any of this, so I don't blame her. I just can't believe I spent an entire evening in tears because someone assumed I am not a native English speaker and therefore thought I was being insulting.
Needless to say, if I am going to use humor in the Catbox, I will be VERY careful about my phrasing in future.
I posted a link previously to Trubble's Catbox, a board for survivors of emotional abuse. I have found great support/validation there in dealing with my lingering JR-related issues. Although I feel a little silly posting about the wounds he caused me when we didn't really make it to the serious relationship stage, when some of these women have been married to and have kids with emotional abusers, they have welcomed me.
I've only been a member for about two months but I find I can offer good counsel to newer members who are trying to figure out if their partner's behavior is normal and if they are just overreacting. The answer usually is: It's not, and you're not. LOSE THIS LOSER.
I also belong to Television Without Pity, where it's fairly common on the forums for us to refer to our spouses/partners as "Mr. (My Screen Name) or "Mrs. (My Screen Name").
Sooo ... a new person (I'll call her Krissy37) posts to the Catbox about her asshole husband. It's a long post that goes into great detail about things he's said and done that anyone with a degree of distance can see are abusive.
She gets lots of "lose this loser" responses, including mine, which I started:
Dear Mr. Krissy37:
The Clue Store is having a sale. I suggest you stop by and pick one up. Heck, get two; they're cheap.
Then I go on to address her directly about how she doesn't deserve this treatment and she should keep posting because she will find support and encouragement here.
Then ... I get a private message from one of the moderators telling me the post was "insulting and uncalled for" and asking me to edit or delete it.
Now, few things upset me more than being blindsided with criticism or reprimand. Here I am going blithely along thinking it's sunny and 72 and someone gets in my shit for doing something that I had NO CLUE was wrong. (Maybe I need to visit the Clue Store?)
I lose it. I cry for HOURS. I delete the post and send a private message to the moderator telling her I did and explaining that I had no idea what I said was insulting; I was only trying to inject a little humor. NiiceDuude can easily snap me out of an upset with a joke. Her response indicates that the post was interpreted that I made the "clue store" comment to the POSTER, not her husband.
I posted an apology on the affected thread, explaining what the post really said -- addressed to MR. Krissy, not Krissy -- and that I was sorry it was misread.
The woman who I have reason to believe filed the complaint responds. She thought I was a foreigner and English was not my first language! She said she deals with Asians a lot in her work and they frequently err and call her Mr.
Those of you who know me well enough to read this blog know that:
1. I am a native English speaker.
2. I minored in English.
3. I taught English for half a year.
4. For most of the past 25 years I have been in journalism, much of that as a copy editor, who CORRECTS OTHER PEOPLE'S ENGLISH FOR A LIVING.
5. My eyes are very large, very blue and very round.
Of course, the woman who complained about my post has no way of knowing any of this, so I don't blame her. I just can't believe I spent an entire evening in tears because someone assumed I am not a native English speaker and therefore thought I was being insulting.
Needless to say, if I am going to use humor in the Catbox, I will be VERY careful about my phrasing in future.
posted by niicelaady @ 8:14 PM
2 comments
