I need to take some action
Listening to yesterday's podcast this morning, I found myself feeling far too much glee at hearing TJ dissing Marcia, and far too much distress at hearing them make up in the next hour.
I continue to ask myself: Why? I DON'T WANT the bastard. She can have him. But a big part of me wants to see the relationship crash and burn, wants to see her passive-aggressive little heart get shattered once again. I don't like this feeling, nor do I understand it. She is my sister. We both got our hearts broken by TJ once upon a time. I don't want to wish her ill. So why do I?
I know I need to move on, but I can't seem to. I think what I need to do is take some concrete action, something more than trying to tell myself to move on. Because that isn't working.
Moving out of this place will help a lot. It was while living here I lost many good friends: Sam, Linda, Shaka, Mona, Pumpernickel. It was here I lost my grip on reality. It is time to start over.
I'm thinking a housewarming of sorts once I get settled in the new place. Perhaps with a little "one-woman show" in which I sing a song or two, recite some words, receive some hugs and finally purge what's left of this unhealthy fixation from my soul.
I dearly hope I can persuade my new friends to attend: June C., RF, Digi, and Mrs. Pi, the ones who truly understand. And of course, the old friends who stayed with me through the worst of it.
Meanwhile, I have found some new podcasts to listen to at work. I can still handle TJ in small, relatively Marcia-free doses; today's show cracked me up like old times. But it's nice to have alternatives.
Tentatively thinking Nov. 19 for the aforementioned housewarming/soul-purging. Who's there?
I continue to ask myself: Why? I DON'T WANT the bastard. She can have him. But a big part of me wants to see the relationship crash and burn, wants to see her passive-aggressive little heart get shattered once again. I don't like this feeling, nor do I understand it. She is my sister. We both got our hearts broken by TJ once upon a time. I don't want to wish her ill. So why do I?
I know I need to move on, but I can't seem to. I think what I need to do is take some concrete action, something more than trying to tell myself to move on. Because that isn't working.
Moving out of this place will help a lot. It was while living here I lost many good friends: Sam, Linda, Shaka, Mona, Pumpernickel. It was here I lost my grip on reality. It is time to start over.
I'm thinking a housewarming of sorts once I get settled in the new place. Perhaps with a little "one-woman show" in which I sing a song or two, recite some words, receive some hugs and finally purge what's left of this unhealthy fixation from my soul.
I dearly hope I can persuade my new friends to attend: June C., RF, Digi, and Mrs. Pi, the ones who truly understand. And of course, the old friends who stayed with me through the worst of it.
Meanwhile, I have found some new podcasts to listen to at work. I can still handle TJ in small, relatively Marcia-free doses; today's show cracked me up like old times. But it's nice to have alternatives.
Tentatively thinking Nov. 19 for the aforementioned housewarming/soul-purging. Who's there?
posted by niicelaady @ 8:49 PM
2 Comments:
At 12:39 PM,
The Bean said…
hey NL - you don't need to worry about them - you'll be okay?
I was gone last week - what were they fighting about this time?
At 5:33 PM,
niicelaady said…
Aw, just petty stuff -- she was stressed out from the Florida trip.
Speaking of Florida trips, how was yours? And happy birthday! Did you get my e-card? I remembered the first part of your e-mail address but drew a blank on the second, so I guessed hotmail (sounded vaguely familiar).
Housewarming is Nov. 19 at my new home in beautiful downtown Schuylerville. You and Mr. RF are most definitely invited. I'm thinking we may have a ritual smashing of the You Know Who bobblehead as my purging exercise.
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